Travel Gone Wrong (Very, Very Wrong)
A cringe-worthy airplane story, a rowdy passenger, and the joy of meeting young readers
The day I could have been arrested
Yesterday was Awkward Moment Day. My whole life I have felt clumsy and awkward. Graceless. The opposite of smooth. (As I’ve gotten older, I have not gotten any more graceful, but I have accepted that this is who I am.)
One moment from ten years ago is still seared in my memory—the time I grabbed a guy’s crotch on an airplane. And not just an accidental brush. This was a full-on squeeze.
The plane had stopped at the gate, and everyone was crowding into the aisle. I pulled my black backpack from under the seat in front of me and got to my feet. As I did I stretched my hand back, trying to thread my arm through my backpack straps.
My hand cupped something behind me. It was soft and about hip high. For a second, I tried to figure out what it was—while I was still holding it. Part of an armrest? The corner of a roll aboard?
Then I realized what it was and jerked my hand back. I had been touching a person. Specifically, a male person’s crotch.
I forced myself to turn around. The crotch’s owner was a businessman, mid-40s, well dressed in a charcoal pin-striped suit and a white pressed shirt.
“I am so, so sorry,” I stammered. “I didn’t realize that was your—I mean, that you would be right there.”
The businessman pretended he hadn’t heard me. He stared straight ahead, past my head, or maybe through it. The only sign anything had happened was the dark red flush that was beginning to creep over the edge of his white collar.
I turned back around. I had to get off this plane. Immediately. Before I was charged with assault.
The aisle was now jammed full of people, wrestling their carry-ons or waiting, bent double under the overhead bins. but the front doors stayed closed. Was it my imagination, or did I feel the businessman’s eyes boring a hole in me? Did I feel his hatred along with his breath against the back of my neck?
When we were finally released, I basically ran as fast and as far away as possible.
Travel is not for the faint of heart
Last week, I was on five planes. Unlike other unlucky travelers, I had no problems with TSA lines or weather closures. I experienced everything else, though. A plane that sat on the tarmac for 90 minutes, with no AC, and the outside temperature was over 80 degrees. A plane that could not take off because the window shade in the emergency exit was stuck in the closed position. A plane that needed to be de-iced. A plane that landed so late I had to literally run from one terminal to another—only to learn that that the next plane was late, too.
On my final flight, a woman about my age boarded. At first I thought she knew a lot of people on the plane. Maybe they were her coworkers? As she walked down the aisle, she gibed and teased and called out. She loudly made fun of a guy at the end of my row for his long legs, then sat behind me. A minute later, she ordered the flight attendant to find her another seat, exclaiming that her middle seat wasn’t comfortable. Then she burst into showy laughter. “I just wanted to see what you would do! You should have seen your face!”
By now I was exchanging concerned glances with the people around me. This woman seemed drunk and out of control. This was underlined when she announced to her seat mates in a near shout, “I’m a nervous flier. You guys are going to have to hold my hands!”
Kudos to Alaska Airlines. A uniformed guy walked back and asked her to come up front with him. He somehow managed to make it sound like she was being upgraded to first class, without ever saying those words.
When she was instead escorted off the plane, people clapped.
What’s your craziest travel story?
Cons and schools
Last week, I was at TomeCon. TomeCon is an annual student-centered literacy conference organized by the Tome Student Literacy Society for grades 2–12, which is focused on celebrating reading, leadership, and creativity. Held in Athens, Georgia, TomeCon features author talks and panels, crafts, and educational sessions, connecting thousands of young readers with authors. I met a bunch of cool authors, including Gordon Korman.
After Tome Con, I flew to Chicago to speak at a middle school. I thought it went well, but then the principal said in a serious tone that he had some feedback for me and asked how he could share it. Something about the word “feedback,” made me think “constructive criticism.” I was sure he was unhappy.
Then he sent my booking agent this note: “Our school was honored to host April Henry recently. April’s presentation and connection with our students was a highlight of our trimester. April’s assembly was engaging visually and her presentation hooked our students. We are grateful to hear about her ideas and writing process and look forward to seeing her future successes. We are fortunate to house a librarian who connects our students to great authors like April.”
Whew!
What I’m reading this week
At any one time, I’m reading multiple books: physical books that I’ve purchased or borrowed from the library, audio books bought from Chirp (highly recommended!), and ebooks picked up on sale. One of my current reads is Maya Shankar’s The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans. Each chapter profiles a person who faced a significant change, such as becoming permanently disabled or being sent to prison. She discusses how books can change a person, citing research that says reading fiction “offers a kind of ‘identity laboratory’ where you’re given the opportunity to experiment with different versions of yourself…. Readers blend their self-identities with the identities of a book’s characters, and this dynamic interplay allows readers to freely try on new personality traits or to explore how they might respond to particular events or environments.”
I think that’s a nice complement to the idea of books being windows, mirrors, and sliding glass doors.